A Letter To My Son

It is both an honour and a tragedy to have this here.
Thank you, Lauren xoxo



The Gift  by Lauren Stone



My Beloved Son,

Before you were born I was already planning all the best things I knew I could do for you. I would try and ensure that you had a gentle birth. I would give you the milk from my breasts although I had no support from my family, because I knew this was best. I would love you with all my heart and protect you from harm.
I read every book I could find on pregnancy and natural child care. I soaked it all in like a sponge. The one thing that I could not find was accurate information on circumcision. My public library hadn’t a single book that mentioned anything negative about it. So I asked men that I knew what they thought was best. I asked both circumcised and intact men. Some said it was good that I was asking questions, some thought I was silly, but answered nonetheless. Surprisingly they ALL said that it was probably the best way to go. Even my own intact Father. My Brother had been circumcised. I talked with my doctor who explained that is was a quick, simple, painless procedure and was nothing to worry about. It was just ‘routine.’ I believed at that point that I was “informed.” I was not.
When you were taken from me at the hospital and carried down the hallway to a “sound proof room” something inside me started to panic. A million thoughts were swirling through my head all at once.. and then I heard you scream. It was a sound unlike anything I had ever heard in my life.
The hair stood up on the back of my neck and my knees buckled. It felt like my heart was no longer beating and I could feel my face flush and tears start to fall down my cheeks. There was a knot in my gut and I wanted to vomit. I was shaking and I muttered “Oh God what have I done?” A nurse, almost laughing, said to me, “Oh he’s okay honey, he’ll be just fine and he won’t remember a thing.” I grasped at that delusion for a moment, but I knew that I would never forget it. I would never be the same person again.
When they handed you back to me I could hardly breath. The look on your face was that of shock, pain and betrayal. I held you close to me and whispered through my tears, “Oh my God, I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry….”
All the sparkle was gone from your eyes and I knew that I had been lied to. I felt so betrayed and confused. I felt such guilt for having hurt you this way. How could I have not instinctually known that this was wrong? How could everyone in my country, in the world, not instinctually know that this was wrong? Why didn’t even a single person ever say to me that you were perfect as you were and this pain was unnecessary. Or even mention pain at all? I was so full of hatred towards the doctors. They knew what they were doing and they lied to me. They hurt you and thought nothing of it. I was so full of hatred toward myself for letting those bastards hurt you that way.
I made a choice that wasn't mine to make, one that I wasn't equipped to make, that I should never have been allowed to make.
Every time I bathed you, changed your diaper or let you run free I was reminded of my own guilt, of my own culpability for your suffering. I felt so ashamed. So stupid. So gullible for having believed it was nothing serious.
I close my eyes and I still see the dazed look of confusion in your face. The sound of your screams are seared into my brain. Not a single day has gone by that my heart doesn’t hurt. I am scarred too. But the scars I bear are in my soul.
The more I learned, the angrier and more deeply hurt I became. Especially when I realized the extent of what was taken from you and that it would affect you for the rest of your life. That it would affect your sexuality and your relationships.
I started to tell other Moms what it was like, what I had learned and not to let this happen to their babies. I didn’t want any other babies to be hurt or any other Mother to ever feel the way I feel. My pain is what drives me to do something to stop this insanity.
28 years later, I am still talking to Moms and Dads, to Grandparents, to anyone who will listen. I don’t ever want another Mother to say they didn’t know or ask why no one told them the truth before it was too late. I think one of the hardest realities a parent can ever face is knowing that their own ignorance caused their child harm.
I saved your Brother from the suffering I put you through. He is whole and safe and happy. I protected him because I learned the ugly truth the hard way. At your expense. He is very grateful that I learned to do better.
There is nothing I wouldn’t give to go back and change things. But that isn’t possible, so I work hard to try and save other baby boys from suffering needlessly. I talk and talk and talk so that no other boy will be robbed of his right to a whole body.
So my darling son, I say this to you, I love you now as I have loved you always. I hope you can forgive me for what I didn’t know.

Love Mom

Lauren Stone © 2011

Marriage and Foreskin: One Couple's Journey to Restoration

Thank you, to the woman behind this story, for sharing it with us. I really hope your experience will encourage future mothers and fathers to leave their sons intact.


I grew up thinking circumcised penises were the norm...because well, this is America, so it kind of was. I never knew anything about men who were intact, and the only time I'd seen intact babies growing up was usually at the beach when foreign families would be showering their sandy toddlers off. When I went through nursing school, we learned about why and how circumcision is done. We learned nothing about the foreskin or why it's there, and we were falsely told that babies should be retracted for cleaning after 3 months of age. To see a circumcision done, I had to remove my emotions to get through it. That came back to haunt me later.

When my husband and I got engaged, I discovered he was circumcised and had no issue with it...I just expected it I guess. We both remained virgins until our wedding night. I was expecting our first time to be awesome. I thought it *might* hurt a little since I was a virgin, but we were both frustrated and disappointed we couldn't even enjoy intercourse on our wedding night because it hurt so much. The honeymoon didn't get much better, and I was sore and just didn't want to even have sex any more. Even as I got used to it, we had to use tons of lubrication just to take the burning, and rubbing pains away. There was no way I was going to be able to orgasm from intercourse. We got creative and got me excited by other means, but it was just sad that we couldn't enjoy just pure and natural sexual intercourse as it was intended to be. I no longer had any libido. I would've been perfectly happy never having sex again. My husband would get super mad and frustrated at me, and this put such an unnecessary stress on our marriage. I would agree to sex just so my husband wouldn't be so frustrated with me anymore. He started suggesting I should see a sex therapist. I thought my hormonal birth control killed my libido (that was quite strong when we were engaged), or that I just had some mental issue with it. One thing that helped though was condoms. I had already long since been off hormonal birth control and discovered that by using condoms, there wasn't as much friction. A little relief at least, until we started trying to conceive.

We were married 2 years when we were first pregnant. We didn't know if the baby was a boy or girl, but I knew we had to decide about circumcision just in case. My husband wanted it done...but something inside me...my maternal instinct I guess....started to question if it really had to be done. I didn't do much of my own research though because I didn't know where to start. We have some wonderful friends who asked us what we were going to do and we told them we weren't sure yet, and they nicely gave us their anti-circ input. I took that into consideration. I did ask my OB about it, and what I found out about how he does the procedure horrified me. He didn't believe babies could feel pain like we could. I knew he was dead wrong. I cried as I imagined my baby being in so much pain, and for what reason? To look like his dad? I was still so unsure about everything by the time I had my baby--thankfully a girl! I was so relieved we didn't have to make such a decision yet.

When I got pregnant again, we were married 4 years, and nothing had really improved as far as our sex life went. I discovered a position that always worked well for me and didn't hurt as much. This was our baby making position as well, haha! Anyway, I had a feeling I might be having a boy with my second pregnancy so I did a better job this time about getting myself informed. Through facebook, I found drmomma.org and some wonderful resources about the risks and dangers of routine infant circ. I became instantly anti-circ and showed my husband one of the very informative articles I had read called "Are You Fully Informed?", and after reading it, he totally changed his mind and said we would not do that to our baby. Yay! So when my son was born, we confidently said "NO" each time we were asked if we were circumcising him. Even after we took our WHOLE son home, I continued to research and spread the word so I could inform others. I now call myself an intactivist, fighting the good fight, trying to save babies. :-)

Anyway, about a month or so after my son was born, during my research, I came across an article about how male circumcision can negatively affect the sexual relationship. I followed up further on one of the link resources called sexasnatureintendedit.com, which is based on a book of the same name. Then it hit me...our sexual issues were because of my husband's circumcision! It wasn't my fault after all (and it wasn't his either since he didn't choose to be circumcised as an infant). The info I read on that site...it was like they read my mind! The way they described sex with a circumcised penis was exactly what I experienced. The friction, the increasingly rough bang bang banging, the dryness....OUCH! All of that is because of his circumcision! The wonderful info on that site when into detail about how sex with a natural, intact penis was supposed to be...the way God intended it...smooth, painless, sensual, rhythmic. As soon as I discovered this website, I emailed the link to my husband and we both agreed that this was probably our sexual problem. The site did mention restoration, so together my husband and I researched foreskin restoration. I asked him if he'd be willing to do it for me...for us. With the promise of increased sensation, and being able to have sex more often with me, my husband decided to start restoring to try to restore our sex life.

When my husband started restoring using the TLC Tugger, within a week, he started noticing increased sensation. Because of this alone, he was automatically more gentle during intercourse (which is just was I was hoping for). After several weeks, he already had a lot more slack in his shaft skin. The extra skin that he'd already grown started to act like what the natural foreskin is supposed to do during sex. Now, my husband is 8 months into restoring and he is a little bit closer to having a foreskin back. And I can attest that sex has improved for us...for me, drastically. We no longer need lubrication, my husband no longer prematurely ejaculates (he can control himself enough to hold out for me so we can mutually orgasm...wonderful!), there is little to no friction or rubbing pain anymore, and he no longer bangs away. Sex has become more sensual for us. On a scale from 1 to 10, for me, sex has gone from a 2 before restoration, to about a 7 now. A heck of an improvement! My hubby sure is more satisfied now too since we went from having relations about once every 1-2 weeks, to now about twice a week. Restoring has been SO worth it. We used to use condoms just to make it less painful but now we both find it more comfortable without. How's that for a difference?

I love my husband and I love that he was willing to do anything to help our situation. My heart goes out to him because he said he just couldn't feel much during sex before restoration, which is why he had to be rough with his thrusting to achieve his desired sensation. Women shouldn't have to be the receiving end of rough sex because of unnecessary routine infant circumcision. It's unfair to both partners.

Just the fact alone that circumcision took such a toll on our married sex life is enough reason for me to be so against such an unnecessary, risky, painful, unethical procedure. I just wish parents would take into consideration that circumcising a baby boy will not only negatively affect HIS future sex life, but also that of his future wife/partner. I am glad to know that the circumcision rate in the USA is dropping, and I hope it continues to do so. And I pray that my young daughter's future husband was spared of such an atrocity to his body.

It's Time to Break the Silence

A bunch of women joined together recently in an online group created for those who feel that they- in some way- have been adversely affected by male infant circumcision.

This group has grown rapidly and women have been sharing their experiences free of judgement and supporting each other in a way I have never seen. They are all kind, caring, compassionate, passionate, intelligent and determined. They all inspire me to appreciate what it is to be a woman.

Mothers, daughters, wives, girlfriends, lovers. They are all in this group. They have all been affected by circumcision. They all have a story to tell.

I am so grateful that some of these lovely ladies have agreed to submit their stories for me to post on this blog. Over the coming weeks, maybe months, these women will share with you their personal accounts in the hope that we can make our voices heard and get the truth out there about what male circumcision really is- from a woman's perspective.